I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
How's work?
Spinning.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
