Non-Jews are for practice
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
