have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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