he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
