he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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