When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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