I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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