We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize