hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dear god my vagina.
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