Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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