I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize