He told me they were just razor bumps!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
