Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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