when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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