I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize