Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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