I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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