I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I have fence marks all over my body
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
