dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
