I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize