When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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