no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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