i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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