Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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