Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
