I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
