it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
