Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
