Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
