remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
