So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
