I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We don't watch enough power rangers
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So much rum. So many feels.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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