i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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