I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
