You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Of course I have a pirate flag
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
