none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
