she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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