he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
