Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
