Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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