He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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