He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
