Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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