brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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