I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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