They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize