if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
