I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize