Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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