I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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