Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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