I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
