Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
