I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
