im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
