I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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