just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
