Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize