He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
