I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
