Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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