He had one of those small greek statue penises
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
