i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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