Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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