I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
