i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
