I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
