Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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