i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
