Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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