the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
