Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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