butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
