I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
