You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
