I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
