I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
