She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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