3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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