I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
